Travelling with Angel

 He crossed me once in my life

a creature elf  like

paragon of integrity

a messenger divine

he vowed to be there

and laid my fears aside

His words feel like sonnets

embracing each day new hope

i know he will not leave 

making it possible for me to cope

as far as i believe he will stay

and redecorate all my eves

His visit was a free will

fresh like daisies and daffodils

kindred spirit absolute godsend

showering love, blessings and mend

It's just a keepsake for times together

a thank you note from a scribbler

small contribution on the special day

all my love in an ordinary way.

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p.s- i didn't know what i wanted to write

      i didn't know what i felt like

      trying to put in some words

      trying to pen it all tonight.

i dont know whether the above lines(and the ones at the beginning)  make some sense or not, i dont know whether the title is right or not.all i know is that these are innermost feelings completely honest and pure and a dedicatory post.

winds of change-3

Continued…

Under the streaming hot water she opened herself to the reality and had a great laugh at herself.

Completely drenched with tears which surprised and confused her, she squeezed her eyes shut, and felt his skin against hers.

She felt herself blush.

The speed at which everything moved felt strange and renewed her pain, she winced.

A violent outburst of anger forced her to scratch herself. She believed that this would help her get rid of the pain. The wound still hurts her. Not the physical but the emotional…..

She was punishing herself.

Managing her to the room she was crying, sobbing, the jerky sobs which almost stopped her from breathing. “Was a whole night not worth anything for him , was he ending it right now, has he made up his mind, is he walking out on me….”, all this kept buzzing in her mind.

Thinking all this her feet felt almost dead. Her face was ice-cold, she had on his shirt not the white one (stains of blood could have spoilt it) but the grey one which she had kept in her cupboard as a memoir. She believed in its sedative quality.

She slumped her head against the back of the bed, staring blindly at the ceiling for a while and fell into a doze again.

He grinned at her caressed her, he had his arms around her waist, his touch was so light….she kissed his cheeks…..

Continues..
p.s- you cannot simply force someone to feel a certain way about you.

winds of change-2

Continued……..

Everything looked beautiful, felt beautiful……

Together they were always happy and complete.

That night Rini poured her heart out, confessing how madly in love she was with him.

He deliberately ignored it all.

Not that he wasn’t in love, but he could just not concentrate on anything other than her eyes.

Each time she used  to bring in the topic of getting married, he use to somehow convince her to wait for some time and each time he use to initiate the topic she would very well know the reason was ‘marijuana’.

Along with a sense of confusion and disappointment it was a breaking point. Turning on her side , she switched off the lights and was off to sleep.

As always she woke up alone.

For few days Vikram didn’t turn up and didn’t respond properly to her     calls, lined up were‘I am busy with friends’,‘Had a long tiring day', ‘Not in a mood to talk’,Or would switch off his phone texting the next morning, ‘the battery drained’.His actions made her feel disrespected and rejected and deeply wounded.

She deliberated over the decision for a long time before she made up her mind…and each time she used to fix to one thing, he popped up with surprises and at the end of which she was left being totally alone.

The situation was being messy….

Rini called him up with a view to make him understand how these things were not required for their relation. But he moved on to insulting her-frigid and naïve. Saying he could no longer stay with a girlie who don’t understand or know a thing about him. and hung up on her.

For a while the shock of his words numbed her.

She felt betrayed, but she could hardly blame him .

There could have been no betrayal if there was no trust.


often i search for shoulder to cry on
often i face denials
often i try to smile for no reason
often am called a lier 
often i think m not that bitchy
often am given a place so higher
often i feel am a duckling so ugly
often it seems am not desired.


continues....