diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

Sunday, January 8, 2012
    Day  #9639 of my life
I decided to sit by the window to write today, the stars fascinated me but I wanted the night to be bright ,so bright that it erases most of the stars..but it was darker ,way darker than the previous one, yet fulfilling my wish of erasing the stars….it was the last hour of the day…I was stunned ,unable to believe what I had just heard… its another  weekend and he will turn up late…late or may be not turn only.
I am sitting here all alone, trembling and trying hard to stop that drop at the corner of my eye from rolling down my cheeks, with my phone in my hand wishing with each vibration that its him.
I wanted to talk as always…listen, say, discuss……
The blood in my veins freezed… as I thought that soon he would call and his distinctive voice would just banish my blues away… whenever the wind blew I could hear him whispering in my ear….dreamer yes I am..
I was hardly able to keep my eyes open but  I waited…waited and continued….
At six in the morning I woke up shivering… the reason was temperature..
Winters are chilly in north,I had slept where I was writing (near the window)
My  phone  had beeped around 2:13am
he‘Do u luv me
he-‘Dats it’
me-‘Wat else I could have said’
U shudve  said..i luv u baby…baby is d word…
No replyL
How long will I hav to wait..plz be true..i don’t wanna hear..only gudnyt..or u gng off to sleep in between
These were few messages which we shared after which he called me …all I remember is that he called me and said that we can talk as he is little free right now…that did not please me..i did not waited for this..until morning..anyways we din’t talk much.. and I said I don’t want it to turn worse and he kept down..after which he called up again spoke to me for a while…and said would call me later…
I slept..dont know what was the time by  then…..
Waiting is painful.forgetting is painful, but not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering-pauloCoelho

p.s: How often we take the people around us for granted especially those closest to us.
 Still My love for him is endless. I feel it that ways.i don’t know how confident he is of my love .but I know my love is great and great love requires great sacrifice.

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

Saturday, January 7, 2012

                                                                                                                  Day# 9637 of my life
My hair were drenched, probably with the sweat,when the phone rang
’ I am going for  a movie and will be late’. He hung up after I responded ‘its ok’
As I wasn’t  left with much to say. I stood still vaguely looking at the knife which I was holding in my hand while preparing food.
Sometimes we show our love  by just keeping quiet.
I waited ,the entire day to hear his voice,to say and to hear “I LOVE YOU”
It was his favourite dish which I was preparing, couldn’t even tell.
Around mid night I called him back as I had missed his call by few minutes. answering after a few rings  he popped up saying ‘I called up to ask ,have you had your dinner?’
All of a sudden I didn’t sense the ground beneath me (flying always does that).immediately came ’I’ll get back after my dinner in an hour’. As always he was out with his friends .
I waited ,much more longer than an hour and then texted
” m off to sleep,reach home carefully,luv ya,gudnyt”
There wasn’t any reply.my eyes were glued,at the screen of my phone.
How could he go off to sleep without answering the SMS when someone somewhere was waiting for a response.
I don’t know what the darkness had to do with this  but it felt miserable and heart wrenching.
It was  dawn when I finally slept.


p.s: sorry I could not write to you(blog) ,I was terribly busy.
 love is just meant to happen once and forever.
he says it quiet often that I don’t love him any more.If it is so why did I kept waiting for one reply the entire night.