savoir-faire

Everyone in his/her life experiences some incidents. Good or bad or may be the one’s which mark the beginning of lifelong confusion.

I have a story to tell, an experience to share, it’s not an artistic interpretation but my encounter with the actuality.

It was an evening of January 22’2011; I was waiting at the Chennai airport for my brother whose flight was to arrive after two hours.

                                       My flight landed as scheduled and of the manager from the office was there to receive me,but I decided to stay at the domestic airport and receive my brother. As a result of some confusion I stepped out and was there in the passage, which did not allow me to move in again. Thus I sat on the luggage trolley and waited for the international flight to arrive.

I saw a very charming and beautiful Chinese girl walking to and fro and could find no rest. After a while she came and sat on her trolley near me.

                                      I could not resist my conversation with her, thus I asked where did she come from and the reason behind her upset look. I learned that she was from china and had volunteered for an NGO here. There NGO’s with international volunteering in INDIA.

I myself always wanted to work for an NGO to serve even if a bit as I can as a human.

Her flight got delayed by 12 hrs. and there was no one to receive her . she had no clue to where to go. All what she had was a phone number. Not to my surprise but we all know that Indian airports are not that well equipped, except for the t3  at  delhi and provides no such facilities like calling cards or issuing immediate sim cards.

I dialed the number from my phone and gave the detail to the person at the other end, who was the organizer. He explained me the address and asked me to forward her the same so that she could manage her way.

It was alarming! We were in Chennai, and here you better know the local language because they will not haggle in any other language. In the meanwhile my brother had arrived, I briefed it all to him and we decided to help her. Taking the help of the manger and the driver to overcome the language barrier we somehow managed our way and to our shock it was a skimpy, filthy place which accommodated two more girls, a Korean and a Philippine

It was around 10:30pm when I left her there. While my steps downstairs I found it difficult to believe what just happened. I called that irresponsible fella (the organizer) and to my shock he had no guilt or shame for his behavior rather than being thankful he told me that there are other more important things to do rather than catering someone as dumb as that Chinese girl, according to him it was her fault.

I wanted to make him pay for his act, report to the police or may be some foreign official. But bhai( my brother) said we did as much as we could and no just forget it.                                                                                                                                                                                                       
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       p.s: if the NGO’s work with and like this I would surely think twice before joining hands with them

Thanks to mr. Kumar ( manager) and the driver …I don’t remember his name, without them we would have never been able to help “Pearl”(chinese girl). i hope we did.

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girly

Day#9656-9663 of my life

Year 2012 seems to be bringing lot of changes to my life.sometimes dreaming,hoping,yearning loses its luster of romance.although we loved each other faithfully, we would fight and make it worse without being able to get to the root of the issue and there came a time when we realized that the minimal contact was not enough to sustain us.
i was on the verge of becoming crazy.
we decided to call off the fight to keep the relationship on track.in- person visit was a well needed breeze.which seemed no less than a dream.
but god allows miracles to happen when its least expected. and yes i was so happy,sitting next to him.we felt a connection with each other,we never felt before .
i talked crazily.great! now i was to get drunk.soon there came a time when alcohol took effect.i was hardly able to keep my eyes open but i was enjoying my high because i knew i was with him.
when you are so in love it feels good that you don't see the bad.
and then my heart with pleasure fills
 and dances with the daffodils*

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p.s: long distance relationships are tough but so worth it.it takes plenty of efforts but the result speaks for it.
very well said by Plato"at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.":):):)
*lines taken from "daffodils" by william wordsworth

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

    Day  #9639 of my life

I decided to sit by the window to write today, the stars fascinated me but I wanted the night to be bright ,so bright that it erases most of the stars..but it was darker ,way darker than the previous one, yet fulfilling my wish of erasing the stars….it was the last hour of the day…I was stunned ,unable to believe what I had just heard… its another  weekend and he will turn up late…late or may be not turn only.

I am sitting here all alone, trembling and trying hard to stop that drop at the corner of my eye from rolling down my cheeks, with my phone in my hand wishing with each vibration that its him.

I wanted to talk as always…listen, say, discuss……

The blood in my veins freezed… as I thought that soon he would call and his distinctive voice would just banish my blues away… whenever the wind blew I could hear him whispering in my ear….dreamer yes I am..

I was hardly able to keep my eyes open but  I waited…waited and continued….

At six in the morning I woke up shivering… the reason was temperature..

Winters are chilly in north,I had slept where I was writing (near the window)

My  phone  had beeped around 2:13am

he-‘baby’

me-‘Hhhmmm’

he‘Do u luv me’

me-‘Yes’

he-‘Dats it’

me-‘Wat else I could have said’

U shudve  said..i luv u baby…baby is d word…

No replyL

How long will I hav to wait..plz be true..i don’t wanna hear..only gudnyt..or u gng off to sleep in between

These were few messages which we shared after which he called me …all I remember is that he called me and said that we can talk as he is little free right now…that did not please me..i did not waited for this..until morning..anyways we din’t talk much.. and I said I don’t want it to turn worse and he kept down..after which he called up again spoke to me for a while…and said would call me later…

I slept..dont know what was the time by  then…..

Waiting is painful.forgetting is painful, but not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering-pauloCoelho
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p.s: How often we take the people around us for granted especially those closest to us.

 Still My love for him is endless. I feel it that ways.i don’t know how confident he is of my love .but I know my love is great and great love requires great sacrifice.

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

                                                                                                                  Day# 9637 of my life

My hair were drenched, probably with the sweat,when the phone rang

’ I am going for  a movie and will be late’. He hung up after I responded ‘its ok’

As I wasn’t  left with much to say. I stood still vaguely looking at the knife which I was holding in my hand while preparing food.

Sometimes we show our love  by just keeping quiet.

I waited ,the entire day to hear his voice,to say and to hear “I LOVE YOU”

It was his favourite dish which I was preparing, couldn’t even tell.

Around mid night I called him back as I had missed his call by few minutes. answering after a few rings  he popped up saying ‘I called up to ask ,have you had your dinner?’

All of a sudden I didn’t sense the ground beneath me (flying always does that).immediately came ’I’ll get back after my dinner in an hour’. As always he was out with his friends .

I waited ,much more longer than an hour and then texted

” m off to sleep,reach home carefully,luv ya,gudnyt”

There wasn’t any reply.my eyes were glued,at the screen of my phone.

How could he go off to sleep without answering the SMS when someone somewhere was waiting for a response.

I don’t know what the darkness had to do with this  but it felt miserable and heart wrenching.

It was  dawn when I finally slept.

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p.s: sorry I could not write to you(blog) ,I was terribly busy.

 love is just meant to happen once and forever.

he says it quiet often that I don’t love him any more.If it is so why did I kept waiting for one reply the entire night.

Travelling with Angel

 He crossed me once in my life

a creature elf  like

paragon of integrity

a messenger divine

he vowed to be there

and laid my fears aside

His words feel like sonnets

embracing each day new hope

i know he will not leave 

making it possible for me to cope

as far as i believe he will stay

and redecorate all my eves

His visit was a free will

fresh like daisies and daffodils

kindred spirit absolute godsend

showering love, blessings and mend

It's just a keepsake for times together

a thank you note from a scribbler

small contribution on the special day

all my love in an ordinary way.

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p.s- i didn't know what i wanted to write

      i didn't know what i felt like

      trying to put in some words

      trying to pen it all tonight.

i dont know whether the above lines(and the ones at the beginning)  make some sense or not, i dont know whether the title is right or not.all i know is that these are innermost feelings completely honest and pure and a dedicatory post.

winds of change-3

Continued…

Under the streaming hot water she opened herself to the reality and had a great laugh at herself.

Completely drenched with tears which surprised and confused her, she squeezed her eyes shut, and felt his skin against hers.

She felt herself blush.

The speed at which everything moved felt strange and renewed her pain, she winced.

A violent outburst of anger forced her to scratch herself. She believed that this would help her get rid of the pain. The wound still hurts her. Not the physical but the emotional…..

She was punishing herself.

Managing her to the room she was crying, sobbing, the jerky sobs which almost stopped her from breathing. “Was a whole night not worth anything for him , was he ending it right now, has he made up his mind, is he walking out on me….”, all this kept buzzing in her mind.

Thinking all this her feet felt almost dead. Her face was ice-cold, she had on his shirt not the white one (stains of blood could have spoilt it) but the grey one which she had kept in her cupboard as a memoir. She believed in its sedative quality.

She slumped her head against the back of the bed, staring blindly at the ceiling for a while and fell into a doze again.

He grinned at her caressed her, he had his arms around her waist, his touch was so light….she kissed his cheeks…..

Continues..
p.s- you cannot simply force someone to feel a certain way about you.

winds of change-2

Continued……..

Everything looked beautiful, felt beautiful……

Together they were always happy and complete.

That night Rini poured her heart out, confessing how madly in love she was with him.

He deliberately ignored it all.

Not that he wasn’t in love, but he could just not concentrate on anything other than her eyes.

Each time she used  to bring in the topic of getting married, he use to somehow convince her to wait for some time and each time he use to initiate the topic she would very well know the reason was ‘marijuana’.

Along with a sense of confusion and disappointment it was a breaking point. Turning on her side , she switched off the lights and was off to sleep.

As always she woke up alone.

For few days Vikram didn’t turn up and didn’t respond properly to her     calls, lined up were‘I am busy with friends’,‘Had a long tiring day', ‘Not in a mood to talk’,Or would switch off his phone texting the next morning, ‘the battery drained’.His actions made her feel disrespected and rejected and deeply wounded.

She deliberated over the decision for a long time before she made up her mind…and each time she used to fix to one thing, he popped up with surprises and at the end of which she was left being totally alone.

The situation was being messy….

Rini called him up with a view to make him understand how these things were not required for their relation. But he moved on to insulting her-frigid and naïve. Saying he could no longer stay with a girlie who don’t understand or know a thing about him. and hung up on her.

For a while the shock of his words numbed her.

She felt betrayed, but she could hardly blame him .

There could have been no betrayal if there was no trust.


often i search for shoulder to cry on
often i face denials
often i try to smile for no reason
often am called a lier 
often i think m not that bitchy
often am given a place so higher
often i feel am a duckling so ugly
often it seems am not desired.


continues....