Travelling with Angel

 He crossed me once in my life

a creature elf  like

paragon of integrity

a messenger divine

he vowed to be there

and laid my fears aside

His words feel like sonnets

embracing each day new hope

i know he will not leave 

making it possible for me to cope

as far as i believe he will stay

and redecorate all my eves

His visit was a free will

fresh like daisies and daffodils

kindred spirit absolute godsend

showering love, blessings and mend

It's just a keepsake for times together

a thank you note from a scribbler

small contribution on the special day

all my love in an ordinary way.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

p.s- i didn't know what i wanted to write

      i didn't know what i felt like

      trying to put in some words

      trying to pen it all tonight.

i dont know whether the above lines(and the ones at the beginning)  make some sense or not, i dont know whether the title is right or not.all i know is that these are innermost feelings completely honest and pure and a dedicatory post.

LIFE IS BLISSFUL WITH YOU MOM

I have often been told by my dad, how important I was for my mother.

At the time of her delivery, she had asked the doctor to make sure she has a daughter and if not she should get one.

Turning back the pages I realize, 25 years back when everyone preferred a son, as he would uphold the family values and ensure its continuity, my mother wanted rather insisted for a daughter and this mere realization makes me feel special.

How she enjoyed my smiling, screaming, clutching her fingers, fiddling with her sari and how she still cherishes recalling those moments. How  she always use to pass on her share of chocolate pudding to me, telling me she never did really care for it, and how she still stares at me in amusement with her pebble like eyes, seeing me lick the bowl.

I fail to understand, why all the songs dedicated to mothers showcase how sentimentally and emotionally their son’s are bonded with them.

I guess I cried thrice of what my brother did after listening to Shankar mahadevan’s  “meri ma”(tare zameen par).

I can bet daughters love their mothers equally or may be even more.

I cannot really express how I feel about my mother in words, but I have learned to love her since we first met. At times it seems that it’s only her who completely understands me , despite of my repeating “mum you won’t understand”, yet she always does and is my never failing support system.

More often we say that I love this dress, this song, this colour………..

 Less often, we love you mom.

This mother’s day and all other days to come, I’ll let her know how special she is and how much I love her. Maybe she is not my entire life but holds a great part of it and no one except her can love me so purely and her divine love is what I’ll treasure throughout my life.

“LOVE YOU LOTS MA”

Here's a song dedicated to every mother...
sung by Sagarika  and lyrics by veteran Nida Fazli....
                                                            

The pink paper

march has mostly been a non working month for me,though most of the people are busy filing their returns, students busy with their exams, mother's busy in keeping a track of their studies, not many weddings to attend and be a part of, puts a dance instructor like me in a no work zone.

    now the question arise what should i do?
    not to kill time but to make best use of it.

well i scanned my c.d collection, woila!
found step up1, step up 2 and a gifted step up 3,but they just lasted a day.
the search began again.now the great idea was to experiment with reading,don't be surprised on my mentioning that heading the list was the "business standard"(newspaper).
these pink papers as they are known in the business world has been a part of my home decor since ages.the only place where they were never to be seen was my room.but today, they managed their way to my desk.The headlines of the articles seemed so alien like "liquor prices to rise 20% on material costs, excise duty.", it will not matter to my glass of red wine..will it?

i continued flipping till i could locate a familiar word 'facebook'.
It read " facebook , twitter valuations may show a new tech bubble"*.some how i managed to read the entire article.
phew! it was informative but i had had enough for the day.next what?...fashion magazine...
time to pamper myself and be a fashionista...
the hot pixie hair look,tangerine lips,pretty pink toe nails, the LBD(little black dress)..
i am ready for the freedom (no work) party.
the facebook bug is so popular at the social gatherings,the first question usually asked"are u on facebook ?"

oh god! i was so tired of answering the usual way..but hey,i knew a little more than just knowing how to poke friends.
"yes i am on facebook ,do anyone of you know that facebook has a fast growing revenue..(silence)
about one in three people are online according to data from internet world stats and to add to the information,(oh, i was enjoying the attention) Goldman and JP Morgan chase have invested in internet start ups like facebook and twitter* .
awestruck!! for a dance instructor and above all a girl to know all this...!

yes, you guessed it right i was soon the star at the party.next day morning my facebook account showed a long list of  friend requests.:)
i guess it's the color pink which works,thanks to the pink paper..

_______________________________________________________________________

p.s: *information taken from business standard.
(hope this will work pulkit).

bugger off

The spiritual and emotional being helps me in bringing happiness and love to a larger community.

But am I really free to love whoever I want? May be, but I have realized that I am not free to express my love. I am glad to be a part of this ruthless society which makes me stronger each time it smashes me on face.

For any relation to be healthy there has to be an equal effort by both the people in order to maintain it. and, it’s not the responsibility to be carried only by the women.

Then why are only they expected to understand, adjust, sacrifice….and the cruel thing is yet to come, even after doing all this , fulfilling their  so called duties, they have no say, no respect.

Why women have been treated as men’s personal property, why only they have to fight for their rightful place. We say things have changed, beneath the surface it’s still the same.

If you try to voice something you will be attacked either in the name of religion, culture, morals or anything. Shit happens and it will continue…..

We don’t want to feel week, yet they give us a pity look, since we respond emotionally to almost all the things, we are considered to be fools.

You are there for everyone, every time and anytime but you have to face your battles alone. One wrong step and crash…..strangely you will receive opposite of love.

If it’s easy to forgive, why not forgiven?

Take your decision, stand for yourself,  walk out of a relation if it is not worth your efforts.

No more your happiness should be affected by the dip or high of anyone else’s happiness. If you are denied of not more but equal in return , then withdraw yourself.

Be the girl you always wanted to be……..you are free

kissed angel

Angels they exist

now I am sure

not the winged one's

but their heart is pure

no supernatural power

no magic wand

showering only smiles

creating special bonds

by happy coincidence

I met one

it wasn't an illusion

neither it's for fun

entering my world

when I so very needed

searching for happiness

on every door when I pleaded

shattered by storms

when I refused to fly 

hoping against hope

was his final try

assembling the pieces

that were mine

turning down gloom

bringing sunshine

who's the blessed angel

I often thought

for what reason's 

was he bought

may be I have answer

answers to this all

kissed by the almighty

he came in winter fall

unaware of what 

life planned for me 

cursing god

for hard times I see

worse was still

to come my way

thinking it's over

enough of the play

this angel came

came in my life

for what reason's 

I could not find

perpetual bother

I proved to him

summoned his presence

with big fat grin

time made me realise

much he (god) cared for me 

worried of future 

he sent thee

no more a trash

I think of me 

his special child

I am suppose to be.......

T- junction

With each passing day 
endless desire to be with you
creeps in me to stay
love served as a perch
where sojourn  I lay




 I want to remain
departure is not my wish
but its only for our gain
this decision leaves me mugged
its difficult to express the pain




the distance will grow
grow our love strong                                                                                  
at times its good to let go                                                                                   
for if the bond is true                                                                                   
someday it will back flow



                                                                                   


let love never fade                                                                                   
only it has the strength                                                                                    
to ease our travail.....                                                                                   

peeping in : life

               

The road I never travelled
was travelled often by me 

far off I was thinking

closer it looked at me 

distance covered equalled nil 

downfall it gave 

where I was hopeful still

so true when we say 
FALLING IN LOVE

rise is not what it gives

sucks each drop of blood

compels to hate, hate oneself

when past is strong

difficult is future to be sketched

forgiven easily

forgotten none

love exists no where

is never fair to one

peeping in my life 

this was all what I could get

LIFE IS A GAMBLE

lets place a bet!!!!!

woh

बड़ी भोली थी वो

जो यूँ प्यार कर बैठी

हज़ारों सपने आँखों में लिए

यूँ इकरार कर बैठी
अरमानों को तस्वीर देने
तकदीर से टकरार कर बैठी
बड़ी भोली थी वो
जो यूँ प्यार कर बैठी
छल-दिखावे के बादल जब छंटते देखे
पगली, उनसे भी इनकार कर बैठी
आंसुओं को दामन में छुपाये 
मुस्कराहट की बौछार कर बैठी 
क्या पाया उसने ?यूँ खो कर सब कुछ 
क्यूँ सब कुछ बर्बाद कर बैठी 
बड़ी भोली थी वो 
जो प्यार कह कर 
ज़िन्दगी से खिलवाड़ कर बैठी

Thanks

THOUGH I KNOW ITS NOT A THANKS GIVING DAY RATHER ITS LATE FOR THE YEAR 2009 AND TOO EARLY FOR 2010 BUT I WANT TO START THIS NEW YEAR WITH A THANKS GIVING NOTE TO ALL LOVELY PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO HAVE BEEN ON THEIR TOES THROUGH OUT TO ASSURE THAT EVERYTHING GOES WELL IN MY LIFE.

i sincerely apprecite ur generosity

of assisting me through out my life

and i hope i am not being selfish enough

by asking all u special people to continue doing so.

as i wont be able to think of a life without my dear ones.

thanks.n a very happy new year !

i can no other answer make,but,thanks,and thanks-william shakespeare.

ज़िन्दगी में आने के लिए

मेरी ओर हाथ बढाने के लिए

ज़िन्दगी से पेहचान कराने के लिए

ख़ास हूँ मैं ये बताने के लिए

हर कदम साथ निभाने के लिए

अँधेरे में रौशनी दिखाने के लिए

प्यार से प्यार कराने के लिए

कभी समझने तो कभी समझाने के लिए

तहे दिल से आपका शुक्रिया

 ज़िन्दगी में आने के लिए

इसे यूँ खूबसूरत बनाने के लिए !

astitva

आत्मा की गहराई में यदि झांकें 

तो हर अस्तित्व में एक सौरभ है

जैसे  कस्तूरी छिपी हिरन में है

जैसे महक हर फूल का गौरव है

यूँ ही एक सौरभ बसा है मुझमें 

जिसकी खुशबू फैली हर दिशा में है

जिसकी सुगंध,

ओस के बूँद सी पावन है 

जिसके आने से ,

पतझड़ में भी  दिखता सावन है

जो दोस्त है मेरा ,हमराज़ भी 

जो सांये की तरह मेरे साथ भी 

दिए बाती सा साथ हमारा 

जिससे  मिलता है तूफ़ान में भी किनारा 

नाज़ है मुझे उस पर 

जो शक्ति है मेरी सच्चाई भी

जो विशवास है मेरा और अच्छाई भी 

psychic lovers(outside of natural or scientific knowledge)

DIARY ENTRY 29.10.09

Dear Yaara (god)-{that is how ananya calls him}

how have you been, it was a long tiering day for me,but i enjoyed.

though uno why but still mujhe batana hai......can u believe he finally called up

(kartik , ananya's love rather life, she was crazy about him)

pehle toh gussa kiya , phir mujhse baat nahin ki and then after two long days he called up all the way from Mumbai.

(kartik ,working as a system analyst in a multinational company)

sirf" sorry" bola and then he said" i am busy have some work"

lier

male ego u see,bloody ASS ...

SORRY SORRY!

ino mujhe aisa nahin bolna chahiye. but he always does this.

kal jab maine apko letter likha tha , i had told u , why he yelled at me and even u know it wasnt my mistake

when he called up my lectures were going on, toh kaise baat karti ?

and as usual u know he has his own assumptions and judgement.

JERK!

sorry again!

ab nahin bolongi aise theek hai

"so rahe the kya?"

"nai nai swimming kar rahi thi":))

he said" i love you"

n hanged up...weired no

1:00am -" i really love you, chod toh nahin doge na "

1:35 am- "baby i am really sorry please forgive me"

and as usual uno how easily i forgive people , so I said its ok.

he said he wants to marry me as he cannot live without me ,he 'll die.

typically bollywood masala movie types.

but the fact is i loveto hear that

2:30am -we were still talking, i told him though the call rates have been reduced but still he cannot afford to talk on STD for so long

(he was least bothered to listen)

3:15am- "i have lectures tomorrow"

(actually she is not a student but a lecturer at B.H.U)

but stupid baat karte karte so gaya

meri neend toh kharaab kar di na , isliye main is waqt letter likh rahi hoon.

but i wish if i could see , how he looks when he sleeps!

muskurahat jinse nazrein na hatein

nazrein jinmein sapne basein

sapne jinmein saath ho hum

saath jo ho har kadam

meri kalpana mein tum

aise hi lagte ho

jab hoge rubaru

tab phir likhoongi in pannon par

jab sote ho toh kaise dikhte ho!

(5:00am) good night ke liye toh late ho gaya hai

goodmorning yaara!

love

Ananya

good bye:but good

hold my hand, stay back

wish could have said that

look into my eyes ,be mine

wonder these were my lines

with the glowing moon in that dim light

were the thoughts

when saw him cross the line.

freezed legs , sinking heart,stoned eyes n choked

was still waiting for the hope

wanted to touch the way i needed to be

and believe forever, he is there for me

at last hugged my own self

to show i was fine

for love is love

only when it equals wine

his sudden return

bought a distinct smile

"without you i cannot cover half a mile"

were the words told in a single line

"hold my hand ,look into my eyes

stay back and be mine".

psychic lovers(outside of natural or scientific knowledge)

half: a kiss
9th october
4:00 in the morning, phone rings
aisha-(sleepy yet awake)"hello!"
no reply
aisha-"hello"baby are you ok?"
" where are you?"

a song is heard loud and clear
you are so beautiful,so damn beautiful(akon)

aisha smiles and before she could speak
kunal-"I LOVE YOU"
aisha -"I LOVE YOU TOO!
how many pegs down?"(ppl get romantic after boozing i read it some where)
kunal- "i dont remember"
aisha - "baby where are you?"
kunal- "i dont remember, am driving,heading towards..god knows where"
" i miss you yaar! aa jao na"
*the two of them started 7 yrs back same date and today is there anniversary.
497 km away from new delhi, aisha was there in lucknow.long distance reationship,yes that is what it was.they often met now and then as it was his home town as well.

aisha-(crying)"how much i want to be there with you. tum aa jao na its been so long"

kunal hates when she cries(holding his emotions-i have office tomorow,got to wake up early,aap so jao,i have reached home,gdnt.

*before she could wish..it was disconnected.
when did the crying eyes went of to sleep even they diidnt know.next morning with fixed routine aisha rushed for her classes(amity,integrated m.ba final year)
on her way phone beeped,there was a msg from kunal:

"dnt go 2 college
meet at c.c.d hazratganj
in half an hour
hv sent a giftwid
a fren(varun)
luv ya"

confused aisha calls him-"whats this?
kunal(in a hurry)-"i am a little busy baby,in a meeting call you later
do go and collect your gift."

"but i dont know whose varun?"

"dnt worry he know you,hope you will like it
do let me know,luv ya bye!"
*stuck in jam she was already 20 min late.
phone rings again(screen flashin kanu calling..)before she could say anything

kunal-"where are you?,always late the other person is waiting,he isnt your servant,
whats taking you so long?"
(in a low voice)-"stuck in jam,what can i do?
ask him to go ,i dont want anything"

"now dont overreact,tell me how long will you take,will inform him the same."

"say next 15 min."
ok bye!

*with watery eyes,she continued to cover the remaining distance wishing her auto had wings but nothing seemed to be favouring her neither the technology nor the traffic sense.
well not 15 but she managed it in 27 min 33 sec.
entering c.c.d she could not see any familiar face,so she called kunal

"baby i have reached,but how an i going to recognise varun?"

"wait he has just gone to a near by shop,probably must be reaching."

*thinking about the last night,she got realy pissedhe remembered to send her a gift but forgot to even wish.may be that is how a realtion tends to become after a certain time.
it was 10 for 12:30,almost 15 min from the last conversation.

she headed towards the counter tto place her order.
(a heavy voice broke)"2 cafe mocha with sachets of brown sugar please"
it was him.

*not bothered about the crowd,hugged each other n she broke in his arms.
(unable to believe that it was him)

"how come you are here?"

"i drove the entire night
to be with you
to see this smile
to see my angel"
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JAAN!"
(smiling,amazed,confused,crying,blushing)
all at once.

*gazing at each other they wondered have they realy completed 7 yrs.it was so fresh.
fingers clutched
legs playing
naughty yet shy eyes
(listening to ppl talking about them)

*they spent neraly 2 hours there(c.c.d)
moving out for a drive,holding hands while changing gear(kunal giving lessons how to drive)
reaching his place,they were so lost, that they stayed in the parking for around 6 min.deciding whether to drop down or not.
but had to it was time to meet his mom.not that they were meetig for the first time but yes after a long time.
no body home(she left 20 min ago as they were late and ahe had to reach somwhere)


kunal showing his room ,discussing his work was lying on her laps,playing with her curls,
touching her n saying'motu'

smelling each other aisha could sense the passion
there was a sudden silence which broke with the ring of her phone(screen showing dad calling)


she was late
"i'll be home in 20 min.
stuck in jam"

"drop me home kunal"

*he managed to take the shortest route n reached within 12 min to assure she is not in trouble.dropping her at the end of the lane he said:
"happy anniversary once again"

"maine toh tumhein kuch diya hi nahin"(she came closer to kiss)
feeling each others breathe
pumping heart
shivering hands

gosh!
her phone beeped again(dad calling)
she dropped down bidded good bye and left

*it wasnt that they were kissing for the first time but it felt as if it is the first every time they did so.


she left
kunal finds a paper on the front seat reading:


कितने अज़ीज़ हो तुम
तुमने कभी जाना नहीं
खता ये हमारी है
आया हमें बताना नहीं
अल्फाज़ कुछ अनकहे रह गए
और कुछ अनसुने
न तुम हमसे कह सके
और न ही हम तुम्हें
पल भर की आज़माइश भी
अब सितम लगती है
तेरी ज़िन्दगी से जुड़ी
ज़िन्दगी मेरी
खुदा की रजा लगती है


-aisha