diary of a little kid, in the grown up girl

                                                            Day# 10,107 of my life

There are many days in our lives about which the less written, the better...with this thought, if not written, the moment passes, it is forgotten. Thus i never mentioned anything. You feel I am being dramatic? yes! I am over dramatic.
Something akin to confusion has been disturbing me...... jumbled and messed all these days.It's extraordinarily strange, but everyone else seemed happy. How come I am not?
I had learned to fake smiles, still it's a long way to go. I can tell if it's killing me or making me strong.
When someone suddenly disappears of your life, it's terrible...thousands , even more than that questions in my head, and even more hopes which refuse to fade.....I still think about the two of us together. Everyday I still assume "right in the middle of an ordinary life , love will give me a fairy tale. But now I also accept that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

Twisted!  I am .Exactly the way my thoughts are.

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

Day # 9711 of my life

 we all know at last we have to meet death, leaving behind everything. but i am horrified and clueless.
i have lost some weight and become pale. this was what i realized after whatever happened with me this afternoon.
while sleeping suddenly my heart felt heavy and  found myself drenched in sweat.
may be it was just a symptom of imbalance in my life, can be called a panic attack. i am unable to decide is it chronic or not.
i don't want to visit a doctor or discuss it with my family, as i don't want to trouble any one.
may be it's not that serious , i am just unnecessarily thinking too much and jumping to conclusions.



                                 **************************************

p.s-  please don't take it seriously.it's just a phase and i'll get ok with it.
and if that's not the case i would know it soon.

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girly

Day#9656-9663 of my life

Year 2012 seems to be bringing lot of changes to my life.sometimes dreaming,hoping,yearning loses its luster of romance.although we loved each other faithfully, we would fight and make it worse without being able to get to the root of the issue and there came a time when we realized that the minimal contact was not enough to sustain us.
i was on the verge of becoming crazy.
we decided to call off the fight to keep the relationship on track.in- person visit was a well needed breeze.which seemed no less than a dream.
but god allows miracles to happen when its least expected. and yes i was so happy,sitting next to him.we felt a connection with each other,we never felt before .
i talked crazily.great! now i was to get drunk.soon there came a time when alcohol took effect.i was hardly able to keep my eyes open but i was enjoying my high because i knew i was with him.
when you are so in love it feels good that you don't see the bad.
and then my heart with pleasure fills
 and dances with the daffodils*

               ______________________________________________________________


p.s: long distance relationships are tough but so worth it.it takes plenty of efforts but the result speaks for it.
very well said by Plato"at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.":):):)
*lines taken from "daffodils" by william wordsworth

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

    Day  #9639 of my life

I decided to sit by the window to write today, the stars fascinated me but I wanted the night to be bright ,so bright that it erases most of the stars..but it was darker ,way darker than the previous one, yet fulfilling my wish of erasing the stars….it was the last hour of the day…I was stunned ,unable to believe what I had just heard… its another  weekend and he will turn up late…late or may be not turn only.

I am sitting here all alone, trembling and trying hard to stop that drop at the corner of my eye from rolling down my cheeks, with my phone in my hand wishing with each vibration that its him.

I wanted to talk as always…listen, say, discuss……

The blood in my veins freezed… as I thought that soon he would call and his distinctive voice would just banish my blues away… whenever the wind blew I could hear him whispering in my ear….dreamer yes I am..

I was hardly able to keep my eyes open but  I waited…waited and continued….

At six in the morning I woke up shivering… the reason was temperature..

Winters are chilly in north,I had slept where I was writing (near the window)

My  phone  had beeped around 2:13am

he-‘baby’

me-‘Hhhmmm’

he‘Do u luv me’

me-‘Yes’

he-‘Dats it’

me-‘Wat else I could have said’

U shudve  said..i luv u baby…baby is d word…

No replyL

How long will I hav to wait..plz be true..i don’t wanna hear..only gudnyt..or u gng off to sleep in between

These were few messages which we shared after which he called me …all I remember is that he called me and said that we can talk as he is little free right now…that did not please me..i did not waited for this..until morning..anyways we din’t talk much.. and I said I don’t want it to turn worse and he kept down..after which he called up again spoke to me for a while…and said would call me later…

I slept..dont know what was the time by  then…..

Waiting is painful.forgetting is painful, but not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering-pauloCoelho
             ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

p.s: How often we take the people around us for granted especially those closest to us.

 Still My love for him is endless. I feel it that ways.i don’t know how confident he is of my love .but I know my love is great and great love requires great sacrifice.

diary of a little kid,in the grown up girl

                                                                                                                  Day# 9637 of my life

My hair were drenched, probably with the sweat,when the phone rang

’ I am going for  a movie and will be late’. He hung up after I responded ‘its ok’

As I wasn’t  left with much to say. I stood still vaguely looking at the knife which I was holding in my hand while preparing food.

Sometimes we show our love  by just keeping quiet.

I waited ,the entire day to hear his voice,to say and to hear “I LOVE YOU”

It was his favourite dish which I was preparing, couldn’t even tell.

Around mid night I called him back as I had missed his call by few minutes. answering after a few rings  he popped up saying ‘I called up to ask ,have you had your dinner?’

All of a sudden I didn’t sense the ground beneath me (flying always does that).immediately came ’I’ll get back after my dinner in an hour’. As always he was out with his friends .

I waited ,much more longer than an hour and then texted

” m off to sleep,reach home carefully,luv ya,gudnyt”

There wasn’t any reply.my eyes were glued,at the screen of my phone.

How could he go off to sleep without answering the SMS when someone somewhere was waiting for a response.

I don’t know what the darkness had to do with this  but it felt miserable and heart wrenching.

It was  dawn when I finally slept.

                ----------------------------------------------------------- 

p.s: sorry I could not write to you(blog) ,I was terribly busy.

 love is just meant to happen once and forever.

he says it quiet often that I don’t love him any more.If it is so why did I kept waiting for one reply the entire night.

Anuराधा

तुझ संग कुछ इस तरह जुड़ी है
मेरी हर बात
की मुझ संग चलती गई
तेरी हर याद
दोस्ती तेरी अनमोल है
मेरे लिए
सुंदर हैं पल ,वो पल
जो साथ जिए
पहले कभी मिलती
तो उन पन्नों को भी रंग लेती
वो लम्हें ,वो पल
जिनमें न था कोई पास
थी केवल एक आस
तुझ संग कुछ इस तरह जुड़ी है
मेरी हर बात
तुझसे मिलना मेरा नसीब था
बिछड़ना मेरी मंजिल
बिछड़ कर भी साथ रहे
ये साथ भी अजीब था
तेरी दोस्ती,
हर राह पर थी मेरे साथ
मेरे लडखडाते क़दमों को सँभालते
वो तेरे हाथ ,
ख़ुद को बिखरते
जब मैंने पाया
फ़िर मुझमें विश्वास जगाया
अकेली नहीं हूँ मैं
न आज ,न कभी
अनु के संग है राधा
तो अनुराधा हुई न साथ
तुझ संग कुछ इस तरह जुड़ी है
मेरी हर बात !!


HAAPY B'DAY DEAR!